And so the days click off one by one but to what end –  I still have not figured that out.  I have always lived with a dream or plan that I was working toward.  But at the moment I am trying so hard not to feel too much or to think head too much as I don’t really feel in control of my future and I don’t really now what or where I want that future to be.  At some moments I want to just die and the next moment I want to move back to Florida and just as quick I want to stay right here in Wenatchee in the future.  I just can’t really see myself in any of those dreams — OH I know it is too soon to worry about that far ahead but I don’t feel like me without a plan or dream and it is keeps smacking me in the face that Norman is not a part of that new plan or dream and I am back to where I was just not be able to see anything beyond this black hole I keep dropping into.  Tonight I found great comfort in coming to my room early and just going over my banking and credit card accounts and finding those all in good order and my credit score at 806 for the first time .  I felt maybe I can handle this by myself.  The room made me feel  friendly and secure, so I worked some more on my songs for the echo and that felt very good.  Now I can say hello to my children and not get all teary eyed.

I really had a nice day today.  Joe took Holly to work early this morning so he could take me  out later.  Joe got his computer work done early and then we went to a couple stores and I picked up a few things I needed and come back home and just visited for a while.  I cooked a pot roast in the crock pot that came out pretty good.  I am never overly pleased with the slow cooker but it does allow me to cook without having to spend all day in the kitchen and Joe and Landen both thought it was good so I was happy.  I hope they really thought it was good and not just good for any old lady.  They are both so supportive that I am never sure.  Then Joe did a deep cleaning of the kitchen and got things all organized for us.  Now it is all clean and I have all kinds of room to work in, I hope I can find where he hid all the things that were on the counters-  wish me luck.  I have hated to reorganize the kitchen because I didn’t want to take over Holly’s kitchen even though she told me to, I don’t want to push her after all I am a mother-in law and you all know what they are like.

Then Joe went to Leavenworth to pick up Holly and they got back home here about 7 and Holly didn’t feel good so when they got home she couldn’t even see what a great job he did with the kitchen, she went right to bed.  Joe took her up some supper and she ate a little of it but not much.  She gets so tired working all day long and not eating I don’t see how she isn’t sick every day.  I hope it is only being tired and not some bug she has caught.  I know she will want to go into work even if she is sick.    Now it is time for me to get some sleep also.  Five a m comes early and I do like to get up before 5 so I can start my day with a visit from Shirley.  Have a great day.