Which way to go at the turn in the path? Gong back is so tempting but ?? and straight ahead is dark and hard to see, right and up the hill ? What does it hold.? I hard steep climb? Is it worth it?
A new year has begun but nothing changes, I guess I expect the world to change just because everything has changed for me and I can’t get back to where I was. It was always a agreement between Norman I myself that once we made a decision we would move on with the plan and never look back. We never second guessed ourselves and never looked back and said “what if”. That was why we could move all over and try out so many new things and be so happy wherever we were. I guess this time the choice was not mine to make so it is harder not to look back and say “what if”. At first I blamed Norman for leaving me but knew that was not his choice either so that did not help me, then I questioned what I did in response to his leaving and that sure didn’t help as I know I did the right thing but time is moving so slowly I keep looking back and I know that is not good, it is just what we promised neither of us would ever do. I am busy all day and doing things I love with people I love but each day is a week long compared to a day six months ago. Everything seems to be in slow motion. I guess I should be thankful for that as at my age time usually just flies by and we see our life just racing to its end. I guess in stead of making plans for the future I will just have to focus on today and the next minute. My new guide will be an old saying I quoted often to Norman when he would start second guessing a move we made,” Yesterday is a cancelled check, tomorrow is a promissory note. Today is ready cash, spend it wisely.”
Luke and I are working on fractions. He knows what fractions are and is not afraid of them as so many Jr. High kids are but he does not know how to operate with them. We have done multiplication and division which he took to like a duck to water, now we are doing addition and that is going slower. There are so many decision to make to add two fractions and come up to a single fraction in its lowest terms. I think another day or so he will have enough confidence with them to move on. I know he will handle them fine in the Algebra setting once he gets the idea of how to add and subtract the common fractions.
Today we went down into the city and did a little shopping. I got myself two pairs of slacks. I have two but both are light weight and made for a Florida winter and I have lost ten pounds so now I have trouble holding my slacks up. Now I have two new pair, one for dress and one for around the house and both are a little heavier so I can keep warm. I do have long underwear but it is not really that cold here yet. Then we walked around the mall a little and stopped at the drug store and picked up a couple things I wanted and a quick trip to Cash and Carry ended our outing. Joe and Holly have never had a leg of Lamb so when Joe comes back next week we will have a leg of lamb for our special dinner. Opps there I go looking a head and not just enjoying his stay now.
Joe does his work here at home tomorrow so I will just enjoy having him around the house for the day and worry about his going back to Seattle on Thursday, on Thursday. If I just enjoy each day I am sure it will go by much faster just because I don’t want it to. Everyone tells me time will heal all things so I guess that is why I am trying to make the time go faster, not because I want out of my present position but I just want to stop missing Norman so much and I know in time I will be more comfortable with his memory. I have so much to be happy about I get mad at myself when I get feeling blue and just have to think about the good side of life. I am so bless to have Joe and his family who have welcomed me into their home and made me a valued part of their family. I am so blessed to have Patty and Becca with their family who have always included me in their lives and still do. They both keep me included in their lives and then to have two daughters like Shanti and Kathy how could an old woman ask for one thing more. Shanti has been my brace to let me stand through all of this and to have Kathy back visiting with me on face time after so long being so quiet I know I am blessed. On top of all that is a sister who starts everyday for me and makes me want to wake up each and every day, makes me glad I am alive and a cousin that I never even knew I had until a couple years ago and she ends each day with a bow for me. She lets me know it has been a good day and that each day will get better and better. So instead of feeling blue I will say thank you and end this day counting my many many blessings. Have a great day… Thank you all and Love to you all.
Peace be with us all.