Day 4 and I not only am I still here, but I spend more of my day without the sudden bursts of tears.  I have a wonderful support team to help me and I do want to thank each and everyone of them not only because they have been so great but also if any one reading this finds themselves in this position it can give them a idea of what to do to help.  I guess the most often comments I get are “What can I do to help?”  or “I wish I could help.”  For all those who have sent me emails and expressed these thoughts, know that just by reaching out and asking this, know that you have been a big part of helping me throughout this hard time.  You make each day get better.  I have printed out each and every message and when I start pitying myself I reread the messes and know I have friends out there that are thinking of me.  These words are even better than a visit, for with a visit it is a wonderful thing but over and gone too soon and very tiring for me, so you emails are a great help and I can keep them and read them when ever I need comfort..

Then there are the family!!  Who can say enough for all they do as they gather around to hold me up and reassure me that I am not going crazy when I cry every time a gesture, a look or an item reminds me of Norman and I can’t help but cry.  I am not a person who cries easily  so this is new to me and made me feel like I was loosing it.  So I thank God for Patty who has stuck by my side since Dad first said he was dizzy and never failed to tell me I should give way to the tears to help wash away the pain, as she says if I don’t cry now I will when everyone is gone and I am alone, and that is not good.  And through it all has been the strong, guiding hand of Thomas.  He was with us Monday morning to say goodbye and has been there to help both Patty and myself through all the many things we have to do at these times.  He has given us love, advice and help everyday.  He came everyday even yesterday after work to let us know he is here to do whatever we need or want as I plan out my future way of life.    Then there is Becca – That I thank so much for being that rock that fills in the small gaps just at the time I need them most=  whenever there is a need in me to have comfort and this one has gone and that one isn’t here yet – Becca seem to appear and offers her arms or voice for comfort.  It seems as if she must be watching over me always to be able to know just when to appear but I know she can’t be as she has three small children of her own to watch and care for 24-7.  So to her  I say a big Thank you.  Then there is Joe, my baby and our only boy.  He has come from WA with his family to give me the comfort and help that only a son can offer.  All four of them have given me so much help by just benign there and taking my mind off the sadness of the time.  They listen, remember with me, help me laugh again and help to bring me back to the present and help me plan for the steps forward.  Joe, Landen and Luke are staying over the weekend to make sure I  am alright and cared for before they go back to work in WA, that’s what a son can do that no one else can.   Shanti and Kathy have reached out to help me from a continent away and the old mother-daughter bond is ever present and such a comfort to me.  They both are planning to come in a few weeks to keep me on track to healing.  Nancy and Jane —  I want you to know you wishes and thoughts were received and so welcome-  I reread them often and receive the comfort you sent.

There is one person I have not mentioned and on purpose.  I have never met this person but she has been my guide and constant support.  She is the one that has given me a safe path to follow from long before I knew I needed it–Rosemary –    Rosemary’s husband died suddenly last year and because she is so open and loving she shared her feelings and life with me by email – so when it became my time I knew what to expect, I knew better how to accept the help offered to me and her wise words of help that she has sent to me now touch my heart in a way no other advice can.  Even her two daughters have sent comfort to me that have a special place in my heart –  I want to say a very special “Thank You” to these three wonderful women who have blazed the trail for me.

I’ll keep in touch with all of you as the days march on ever so slowly.  Thank everyone for their help, have a great day.